Top Four Things We Learned from Brian Gaine's Introductory Press Conference

Top Four Things We Learned from Brian Gaine's Introductory Press Conference

The Texans moved fast in their search for a new GM to replace Rick Smith. Deciding not to wait on candidates whose teams still remain in the playoffs -or maybe it was just the plan all along- the Texans did a quick two interviews then pulled the trigger on former Texans pro personnel guy Brian Gaine. 

Like it or not (I'm not thrilled myself), it's a clean slate for Brian Gaine now as he takes on the task as Texans GM. He'll fail, or he won't, based on what he has learned in his past jobs and how well he executes this new job he's never had before (duurrrrhhh). But what can we learn about the new Texans GM based on Wenesday's press conference?  

Here's my top 4 things:

1. The man is Brian Gaine.

Yes, you read that correctly. The man with the voice who spoke was Brian Gaine.  Though he didn't show anyone his ID I'm going to go ahead and go foreward believing that the man who spoke as Brian Gaine yesterday is indeed Brian Gaine.

 

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2. The ID channel might have to find a new young Lt. Joe Kenda.

A "true-crime" genre show I used to watch quite often, Lt Joe Kinda: Homicide Hunter, features Joe Kenda, a wise-assed retired detective who now tells the stories of the homicides he solved when he was a younger detective working in Colorado Springs, CO. The younger Kenda is portrayed by actor Carl Marino, who, IMO, strongly resembles Brian Gaine. 

You be the judge:

 

(photo on the left stolen from that ole @PatDStat from State of the Texans. Photo on right taken by me from the TVs)

 

 

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3. SCRATCH MY NUMBER 1 THING WE LEARNED!

THAT ACTUALLY MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BRIAN GAINE AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE YESTERDAY BUT INSTEAD ACTOR CARL MARINO PRETENDING TO BE BRIAN GAINE OMG BILL O'BRIEN HAS HIJACKED THIS WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING ORGANIZATION!!!

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4. We really didn't learn shit!

"But Bill, you said these are 4 things we learned." Well, I hope you've learned by now that there are such things as coach-speak, owner-speak and yes: GM-speak, and that you rarely learn anything new from these press conferences. 

No matter what Carl Marino Brian Gaine said in front of the cameras Wednesday, he didn't tell us a lot that we didn't already know.

 

"Didn't you hear? he addressed the need to improve the o-line" WOW! Only everyone on the damn Twitterzphere has addressed that. 

 

"Yah but Billy, he also said they need to build around Deshaun Watson!" FANTASTIC! does this mean they're not planning on trading him now!? OF COURSE YOU NEED TO BUILD AROUND DESHAUN FUCKING WATSON. Christ!

 

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I know it's the Texans offseason, and we want news and goodies to chew on, but let's not sit here and delve too deep into an introductory press conference for an NFL GM. The learning really begins come free agency in March.

Does Cersei have a mole? OR is Euron just that fucking good?

Much has been discussed in Game of Thrones fan circles of just who is working as a mole for Cersei in Dany's camp after the Tyrion-led offenses have both met disastrous ends, but it keeps being ignored who exactly executed the first blow, completely on their own, and may be responsible for even more: Euron Greyjoy.

Let's look.

Destroying Dany's Fleet in the Night

Euron left Cersei at the throne with a promise that he'd prove himself to her, that he'd bring her a gift that would prove his value to her. It wasn't on Cersei's command, and it wasn't with information that Cersei had gathered and given to him via some mole, it was with what he already knew. Somehow (we'll guess later), he knew where his stolen fleet was, led by his niece Yara for Dany, and somehow he knew Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes, "The Gift", were along for the ride.

So Euron tracks the fleet down, destroys it, then takes Yara, Ellaria and Sand Snake Tyrene captive and heads back to King's Landing, then hands over the Sands to Cersei. 

Now on to Dany's next defeat.

Casterly Rock

So, yet again, Tyrion's offense is masterfully defeated when Dany's forces sail up to Casterly Rock only to find that it has been abandoned, and are then attacked by new Team Cersei Navy man Euron on the sea just off The Rock. So it has to be a mole this time, right? Nope.

The plans to sail part of Dany's fleet down to Dorne to pick up forces, and also to sail around Westeros to sack Casterly Rock were both laid out on Dragonstone at the same time. So it's safe to assume that members of the fleet who were sacked by Euron at night during the first attack knew of the Casterly Rock plan. A little bit of interrogating, torture, or “save my own ass so I'll start squealing” later, and Euron has even more information on Dany and Tyrion's plans.

“Hi Cersei. Here is your gift....oh, and Casterly Rock is next.” -Euron Grayjoy...probably.

But how'd he know about the whereabouts of his stolen fleet and the Sands in the first place?

First of all, this is fiction, “Fantasy”, so there will be no perfectly logical explanations, but we can make a pretty good guess of just how Euron was able to figure things out before his first attack during the night, no matter how far-fetched (or not).

Number one, he has probably been looking for his stolen fleet for quite some time, and may have been on their trail since not too long after they left Mereen with Dany and her forces. Coming across different merchants etc..., Euron may have gotten news of a large fleet of ships heading toward Dragonstone/Westeros. 

What seems certain at this point is that he already knew where the fleet was, and who would be within the fleet when he promised Cersei her gift. How he gained that information can easily be explained away by the geography surrounding these events:

Euron meets Cersei in King's Landing. King's Landing rests along Blackwater Bay. To enter Blackwater Bay from the sea to the East, you come very close to Dragonstone. By this, we can assume it possible that scouts from Euron's fleet spotted Dany's fleet at Dragonstone. Upon relaying this information back to Euron, a plan could have been hatched to have some of Euron's Ironborn infiltrate Yara's Ironborn at Dragonstone and gather information.

From whatever information we can assume Euron could have gathered, he continued on to King's Landing knowing he still had time and that Dany's fleet would not yet depart for Dorne. He made his promises to Cersei, then went and capitalized.

...or maybe Cersei has a mole in Dany's camp.

Y'all are killing me with the O'Brien quarterback takes

                                                        (I googled this one, too)

One of the narratives that has really bugged me this offseason, as the Texans embark on yet another season looking for an answer at the quarterback position, is how poorly Bill O'Brien evaluates, and coaches quarterbacks.

No cute set-up for this one, let's dive right the fuck in...

Great Quarterbacks and/or prospects who the Houston Texans have passed on acquiring in the draft and free agency with a legitimate chance at acquiring in the Bill O'Brien era:

Jimmy Geronimopoligos: Sure he has only started 2 NFL games (2016), but he showed hella promise in those outings, with a completion percentage of 68.3 and a quarterback rating of 90, if you're into that sort of thing.

IF you believe the rumors, Bill O'Brien was pretty high on Jimmy Goppyole heading into the 2014 draft, but the team went with a guard instead at pick #33, Xavier Su'a-Filo, who is fast approaching bust-levels IMO, but still holding a starting position on the offensive line. You can call this a miss, but after just two games, we really do not know. Worth a revisit down the line.

Derek Carr: He has become a good starter for the Oakland Raiders, but I have a hard time evaluating him in terms of being a miss for the Texans in the 2014 draft, as it seems highly possible (and “Fact” to some) that Texans ownership pretty much had a no-Carr policy for the 2014 draft.

Great Quarerbacks and/or prospects who the Houston Texans have taken in and turned into hot garbage:

There are none. Ryan Fitzpatrick. Brian Hoyer. Ryan Mallett. Brock Owillie..........

AM I FUCKING MISSING SOMETHING WITH THESE QUARTERBACKS!!!?

(just assume I'm yelling and cursing every other word in this following paragraph):

Has the history of their quarterback greatness escaped me? Do I just know so little about the quarterback position that I don't recognize their pre-Texans existence as being nothing short of elite? Were they just tearing up the league before being dumped into free agency, or traded for a late round pick, but came to Houston to have O'Brien get his hands on them and turn them into, into, into WHATEVER THE FUCK IS REALLY BAD AFTER BEING REALLY GOOD!?

Come. The. Fuck. On.

Truly, I don't know if Bill O'Brien is good at coaching quarterbacks, or evaluating them. I do know that his offense has left me scratching my head most of the past three years, and that though I do believe his trust in Godsey was a huge problem, he HAS to shoulder a lot of blame for that offense. And no, I'm not going to give Bill O'Brien an award for getting decent seasons out of Fitzpatrick and Hoyer. Whatever. That doesn't tell me a helluva a whole lot. But this crap about the quarterbacks? What's YOUR fucking answer? What SHOULD they have done? Here let me answer it for you: THERE IS VERY FUCKING LITTLE THEY COULD HAVE DONE.

“Well that idiot should have signed Michael Vick instead of Fitzpatrick, that's what shoulda happened ra rarrrrrr alskdjer'apolsudj'pfkjaxd.

Soaisdrf.” NO NO NO

STOP IT.

It's fucking dumb.

Thanks.

Some quick thoughts on Tom Savage and the Texans quarterback Situation

(broke out the keyboard on lunch and wrote some things that have been on my mind)

(photo courtesy of me searching Google images)

Anyone who has followed me on Twitter the past couple of years knows a few things about me. I like beer. I'm fat. I like beer. I like taking pictures of my BBQ. I'm rarely serious. I believe that beer is god good. And if you're a Texans fan, you'll also know that I tend to like the Texans' version of the most popular player on most teams: our back-up QB, Tomothy (Tom) Savage.

But what you may not know, unless you've seen the one or two tweets I've ever made where I pull back the curtain and reveal my true feelings, is that I'm only half-joking in my praise of Savage. I really do not believe he's the next coming, the savior of our franchise. I do not believe the Texans should stop worrying about acquiring anymore quarterbacks because the franchise quarterback is already on the roster. Tom Savage hasn't done anything to guarantee any of that. Almost nothing, if we're being honest.

What I do know is that the guy has an excellent arm. He can make every throw. He'll stand in the pocket, nice and tall, and deliver that ball with pressure so far up his ass he can't close his mouth. That's led to at least one of his three recorded injuries in his three seasons here (I'm not counting the elbow herpes), but it IS a quality that Bill O'Brien would appear to value in his quarterbacks.

But the main thing he has (kiss my ass, I'll start a sentence, paragraph, book or IDGAF with the word “But”) is experience in Bill O'Brien's Houston system (which we're not quite sure what that system is yet, but Savage knows it). Fitzpatrick didn't have it. Hoyer kind of had it. Mallett is not even awake right now probably. Osweiler didn't have it. This alone could be a big reason why when Savage took the field for O'Brien this year, though he was as slow as some slow things that are slow getting the play off, the offense actually looked like...SOMETHING! The quarterback looked calm. He knew what was supposed to happen, where to go with it, and had the confidence to do it.

What am I getting at? Look, I think the Texans should try and get Tony Romo once he figures out where the emergency break-light pull switch is inside of Jerry Jones's trunk. I know I know, “his back is cardboard” or something, but as I like to say, “you have to take shots to make shots.” This franchise cannot hope a QB just comes to their door, which is why I'm still okay with last year's acquisition of Oswillie. But if they cannot get Romo, what's so bad about starting Tom Savage? Finally, Bill O'Brien would get to put ALL of his cards on the table. He wouldn't be rolling out someone else's spoiled goods at QB. Finally, it'd be his guy, the one who he has developed. And then maybe we could really start judging him on quarterbacks.

I'll put the keyboard down and listen.

UPDATE 03/16/17: When I wrote this quick hitter yesterday, I didn't go into too much detail. It was lunch, and just hashed out my thoughts as quickly as I could.

One thing I left out that I feel is important to include is that, no matter who starts at quarterback for the Texans in 2017, the Texans need to also address the position in the draft. The earlier the better, but it needs to be addressed.

Fair Weather Fantastic: Texans Fans vs. Their Players

(I know this is a super long read, but it needs to be said)

Everyone just STFU!

Players like it when the fans stay with them until the end, that's just what it is. You stick a mic in their face after that dramatic win, and ask them about fans leaving (GREAT SPORTS QUESTION), that's what you're gunna hear.

On the other end, Texans fans have been through the ringer for 14 seasons now with terrible showings by their football team in prime time and hell, did we not just see that televised bed-shitting up in Minnesota last week? Texans fans are tired of seeing that happen, and it's happening far too often.

WHY ARE WE SHOCKED THAT PLAYERS AND FANS FEEL THIS WAY? Stop talking about it. It's simple to understand, and means zero.

Thanks,
O'Z

Brock Osweiler is still the talk around town...in Denver?

(I created this blog, here at 11:49 A.M., on April 1, 2016 just to share this little ditty I wrote about #Oswillie and the Broncos media, fans etc.... Don't expect any fanciness. - Bill)

Brock Osweiler is still the talk around town...in Denver?

When the news finally broke on March 9 that Denver Broncos quarterback Brock Osweiler would sign with the Houston Texans, I admit I was surprised. Sure, the rumors were flying that the Texans were knocking on the door, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it. I thought that maybe Osweiler's people were putting out reports to drive Denver's price a mile higher (rimshot? Sorry), and that the Texans simply didn't care enough to go out of their way and deny the reports. Wrong. WRONG.

The truth is that I'm an Osweiler skeptic. I don't believe, as I type this right now, that the Texans have solved their franchise quarterback issue, as there remains just too much left to see of Osweiler. The kid has started just seven games in the league, and for anyone to declare him their “Golden Boy” quarterback, and the savior of the franchise right now would be laughably premature. All of this said, I think the Texans made the necessary gamble. And with the reaction from the Broncos media and blogosphere, I'm getting a bit more excited about that gamble.

Let me explain: since Brock Osweiler left the Broncos for the Texans, there has been a barrage of columns, blogs and Twitterings posted out of Denver laughing at how stupid the Texans are for giving Osweiler such a big contract. Blogs about how the Broncos are a well-run franchise, unlike the Texans, because they “don't pay players like Brock Osweiler that much money.” Mass opining about how “If the Broncos let him go, and wouldn't pay him, then why would the Texans? Ha Ha. They're so desperate!” These all ignore the simplest of facts regarding the Broncos feelings for Brock Osweiler:

'

FACT: The Broncos offered Brock Osweiler just $2M less per year than the Texans ($16M vs. $18M), and just $3M per less than they were scheduled to pay future Hall of Famer Peyton Manning in 2016.

FACT: The Broncos offered Brock Osweiler $30M guaranteed, just $7M less guaranteed than the Texans will pay the quarterback.

So why, with these facts out there in the open, do Denver media and bloggers continue to spread the lie that Denver did not want Brock Osweiler? The lie that Denver just “let Brock go”, and that they'd never pay such a player “as much money as the Texans did, Ha Ha”? Why, here three weeks after the fact, are they still pumping out content about the Texans and Brock Osweiler, crapping all over the deal and poking fun at dumb ole Houston? Why all of the concern about what some poorly-run franchise you play maybe once every 2-3 years is doing? Denial! That's the only answer I can come up with. They thought they had their future quarterback figured out, and that there would be a smooth transition from one franchise quarterback to an other. John Elway, Super Bowl Winning Quarterback and Executive (and my favorite QB of all time, btw), could never screw this up.....right? Well, it happened, and media and fans there are having a hell of a time accepting it.

So yes. The Denver reaction is encouraging to me, giving me a little more hope for Osweiler, because the ones familiar with him the most really did want him in Denver, and their reaction to his departure shows their fear of the uncertainty that now, all the sudden, lies directly in front of them at the quarterback position.

So maybe this wasn't a move out of desperation by the Texans, as they're saying in Denver. Maybe the only move out of desperation we've seen so far this offseason was actually out of Denver itself, who after losing Osweiler immediately turned around and traded for Mark Sanchez.

Ha Ha?