Top Four Things We Learned from Brian Gaine's Introductory Press Conference
The Texans moved fast in their search for a new GM to replace Rick Smith. Deciding not to wait on candidates whose teams still remain in the playoffs -or maybe it was just the plan all along- the Texans did a quick two interviews then pulled the trigger on former Texans pro personnel guy Brian Gaine.
Like it or not (I'm not thrilled myself), it's a clean slate for Brian Gaine now as he takes on the task as Texans GM. He'll fail, or he won't, based on what he has learned in his past jobs and how well he executes this new job he's never had before (duurrrrhhh). But what can we learn about the new Texans GM based on Wenesday's press conference?
Here's my top 4 things:
1. The man is Brian Gaine.
Yes, you read that correctly. The man with the voice who spoke was Brian Gaine. Though he didn't show anyone his ID I'm going to go ahead and go foreward believing that the man who spoke as Brian Gaine yesterday is indeed Brian Gaine.
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2. The ID channel might have to find a new young Lt. Joe Kenda.
A "true-crime" genre show I used to watch quite often, Lt Joe Kinda: Homicide Hunter, features Joe Kenda, a wise-assed retired detective who now tells the stories of the homicides he solved when he was a younger detective working in Colorado Springs, CO. The younger Kenda is portrayed by actor Carl Marino, who, IMO, strongly resembles Brian Gaine.
You be the judge:
3. SCRATCH MY NUMBER 1 THING WE LEARNED!
THAT ACTUALLY MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BRIAN GAINE AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE YESTERDAY BUT INSTEAD ACTOR CARL MARINO PRETENDING TO BE BRIAN GAINE OMG BILL O'BRIEN HAS HIJACKED THIS WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING ORGANIZATION!!!
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4. We really didn't learn shit!
"But Bill, you said these are 4 things we learned." Well, I hope you've learned by now that there are such things as coach-speak, owner-speak and yes: GM-speak, and that you rarely learn anything new from these press conferences.
No matter what Carl Marino Brian Gaine said in front of the cameras Wednesday, he didn't tell us a lot that we didn't already know.
"Didn't you hear? he addressed the need to improve the o-line" WOW! Only everyone on the damn Twitterzphere has addressed that.
"Yah but Billy, he also said they need to build around Deshaun Watson!" FANTASTIC! does this mean they're not planning on trading him now!? OF COURSE YOU NEED TO BUILD AROUND DESHAUN FUCKING WATSON. Christ!
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I know it's the Texans offseason, and we want news and goodies to chew on, but let's not sit here and delve too deep into an introductory press conference for an NFL GM. The learning really begins come free agency in March.
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